Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
how drunk are you?
Several
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
