so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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