We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize