Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
