very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
