called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
