I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As shirtless as possible
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
