Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
