god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
