I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
