"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
