Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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