just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
