Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
