explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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