I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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