Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
