so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize