That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
