The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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