Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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