Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's shark week go big or go home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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