and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
