he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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