Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
