woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
