I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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