And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
