At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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