Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
