Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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