i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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