I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
