i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
