You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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