So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
