Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
