Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
