you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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