you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
