Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
