You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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