apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
