go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
