So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
