Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did not marry a roomba.
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