Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
