i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
