i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
