3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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