forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
