the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
