He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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