No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
