the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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