its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
