he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
