Girls should come with a carfax report
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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