He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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