my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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