Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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