she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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