just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
