he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
