Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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