I love black thongs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
