My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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