Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
