She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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