Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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