Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
