I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
