I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
