problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
