we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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