Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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