Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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