You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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